Subject: Roster move
We’re pleased to announce that Larry L. will
do what we’ve told him to do and begin applying his considerable storytelling talents to the news pages this fall as he picks up where Kits M. is about to leave off. In transitioning from sports, Larry will provide much-needed relief for our understaffed, overworked news team.
told asked Larry it was either take our offer or have no medical insurance to fall back on the next time he has a heart attack to write about interesting local characters, to introduce us to people behind the news of the day, to inspire us, and to shine a light on areas of our community that don’t otherwise get covered despite years and years of brainstorming sessions, employee surveys and soul-searching meetings. We trust he’ll slip into an ever-deepening depression and eventually retire or take his own life find his own approach to a beat like that. Either way, we’ll have cleared his compensation package from our payroll.