12:48 EST, 9:48 PST, 5:48 GMT
Approximately three days ago, or 3 billion years ago in the will-o’-the-wisp kingdom of blogsylvania, Fidel Castro resigned.
And I thought: One down, one to go. Time to manufacture some ridiculously contrived cross-cultural blog post reflecting on the end of an era in Havana and the seemingly endless epoch in State College, Pa.
Yes, it would’ve been fun to consider Joe Paterno’s triumph in longevity over the Communist dictator who gave us the harrowing Cuban Missile Crisis, the sublime Teofilo Stevenson and that silly but enduring politician-in-military-fatigues look so that we would have a point of reference to reach back for when George “Top Gun” Bush landed on the USS Lincoln in ludicrous warlike regalia to celebrate our landmark victory in Iraq.
But someone else had beaten me to the punch. Many others, it seems. That’s what happens when you’re a lazy blogger and you’re too busy rifling your parents’ refrigerator so you’ll have nice snack to nosh on while watching Leno.
Yes, the parallels are striking. One’s a right-wing conservative, the other a left-wing revolutionary. Yes, Paterno and Castro were born in the same year. Yes, they were the enduring autocrats of their respective fields. Yes, they both have egos the size of the former Soviet Union.
It’s too late. It’s all gone.
It took me hours just to recover that sublime work of art that graces the top of this post. And I don’t even know whom to thank for that. It wasn’t easy. Google searches failed me, and I had to mine my Internet history from two days ago just to recover that image.
And while accomplishing that feat of technological dexterity, it became painfully clear how easy it will be for my bosses to compile an impressive dossier to wield against me when the time comes.
Because that time’s coming.
JoePa may reign forever, but my days are numbered.
I know that as sure as I know it’s 100 minutes to deadline.