Jesus! Save Us! (and the Sonics)


David Stern made it painfully clear to the world Saturday in his “State of the League Address” that the Seattle SuperSonics have all but packed their bags for Oklahoma City. The NBA czar and chief executive fuckface said it was an “inevitability” that the team will relocate, adding the atheistic sentiment that “there is no miracle” in sight for the team or its fans.
In these trying times, basketball-loving fans in the Northwest are searching for a higher power to save the Emerald City from the hellish fate of losing its 41-year-old franchise. Since all of us here at unsportsmanlike comment fall somewhere between heathen and agnostic in the theological continuum, praying is not usually our first option. But in light of Stern’s heretical rhetoric, and thanks to Rube Waddell’s recent acquisition of this nifty prayer rug, we thought it was about time to try it out.
So don’t be shy. Whether you’re used to the formality of kneeling before the Almighty in Heaven, or like us, you revel in your cosmic ignorance, please take a moment to join us in our quiet contemplation:
Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as in heaven.

Give us today our NBA.
Forgive us our empty seats
as we forgive those who don’t sit in them.
Save us from Clay’s temptation,
and deliver us from Stern’s evil.
For KeyArena and the SuperSonics are part of your Northwest kingdom, power and glory for ever and ever.


One response to “Jesus! Save Us! (and the Sonics)

  1. Hey! I was just at Rube Waddell’s abode, snooping through all his stuff, believe I even bumped into you there Mr. Wilson, and I never saw one inkling of such a prayer rug. And I refuse to believe that Mr. Waddell could keep such a nifty rug secret from me and Mr. Pepper for almost a whole week.
    Did Christ open his eyes?
    Did it open your eyes?

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