I don’t know if I feel sorry for Roger Clemens or … hell, that’s the gentlemanly Jack talking.
No way I feel sorry for the bat-throwing, ‘Roid Raging, John Wayne-impersonating, arrogant Texas-sized, Texas heat-throwing, head-hunting sonuvaBarrybonds, B-12 vitamin-poppin, butt-needle injectin, pinstriped, pin-headed, whiny-assed, kiss-my-ass, major major league asshole.
Excuse me while I get another drink.
Whooo-eee! Good stuff, that gentlemanly Jack.
I bet Roger has been throwing a few back himself. He feel so gawd-dang sorry for himself. Mike Wallace looked like he’d had a few himself when he interviewed Clemens on “60 Minutes.” Pity da fool. Pity da gawd-damn fool. Doncha feel sorry for Clemens. The world owes him more for all he’s done for humanity. Jesus H. Biram, now there’s a Texan with some soul. Bet he could lay down a gritty, blues-sounding, Texas story-tellin’ tune about this hideous man.
“You’d think I’d get an inch of respect,” he whined to Wallace.
You’re right Roger. I’ll give you an inch. But that’s it.
Excuse me. I need another drink.
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