Patriots complete unbeaten season. Next up: Win Super Bowl, cure cancer, solve global warming, stamp out hunger, harness cold fusion and put an end to all war

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You thought we were going to lose to the Giants?

Eli Manning and the Giants?

Give me a break, you drivel-doodling dimwits. I’ve produced majestic fecal matter that gave me more trouble than Eli Manning.

I know you soft-boiled scribblers had your led-balloon leads all ready, just waiting for us to lose.

The mighty have fallen!

The Giants slay NFL giants!

Nobody’s perfect!

I’ll bet you were rooting for us to lose, you pen-pushing pissants.

Don’t bother denying it, you homo-submoronicus wretches.

I know what you’re thinking before your Pony Express synapses deliver the information to your pre-Cambrian minds.

You pea-brained, cliché-spewing philistines think this is all about 16-0?

A perfect season?

Another Super Bowl championship?

You finger-flailing keyboard cadets have no idea.

No idea, you hear me!

BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

We will rule the world!

And you thesaurus-ransacking geniuses will kneel at our feet and thank us for it.

Mark my words, you tin-eared troglodytes.

Mark my words.

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One response to “Patriots complete unbeaten season. Next up: Win Super Bowl, cure cancer, solve global warming, stamp out hunger, harness cold fusion and put an end to all war

  1. Well, now you made me go read stories about the Patriots (something I always try to avoid) and I came across a Jenni observation on the undefeated season:

    “Isn’t it ironic perfection in the NFL is a rarity, but perfection in the college game is a necessity?”

    Ow, it hurts. It really, really hurts.

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