Words of wisdom?

“When compared to the secondary, there are no issues at quarterback.”

– Ashley (Whatever happened to McGeachy?) Fox


at less than 4 months old, i’m a rank novice in the wretched bowels of blogatory. so will someone more experienced with this sort of shit explain to me just what the fuck ashley’s on about?

when compared to the secondary, there are no issues at quarterback.

this comes three days after the tragi-comic nfl team she writes about so eloquently loses by 4 points … in a game where their quarterback’s favorite receiver is the other team’s middle linebacker?

i’m a callow kid who doesn’t know the game of football from his tender young asshole. in fact, i can’t even wipe my own asshole. but the quarterback throws four interceptions, including a final, nut-numbing one after a deus ex machina named brian westbrook gives his team an undeserved chance to steal the game. and it follows naturally that the big worry in philly is the defensive backfield? should poor lito sheppard have limped onto the field to break up that fateful final a.j.-to-lofa pass?

when compared to the secondary, there are no issues at quarterback.

my embittered, booze-addled dad says that’s like saying, “when compared to venezuela, there are no issues in iraq.” i don’t know what the fuck that means, either. and it’s his fault we were watching the goddamn eagles in the first place. but that’s a story i’ll save for my therapist. i wanted to strangle myself with my own diaper.

frankly, i’d rather wallow in a cocktail of my own excrement for three hours than watch a.j. play catch with lofa again, so if strengthening the defensive backfield can spare me a similarly harrowing sunday afternoon, i’m all for it.

i just don’t understand.


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