DEAR MR. BULFINCH: IS THE BCS A MYTH?

Espn.com’s Gene Wojciechowski says the notion that the BCS produces a legitimate, defensible national championship pairing is a myth.

A myth!

Gene, Gene, Gene.

The notion that Athena burst forth full-blown from the forehead of Zeus while Big Daddy was drunk off his godly ass, that’s a myth.

Same with the belief that world began as a big blob of moldy, worm-riddled cheese.

The BCS?

Nah.

The BCS (Bowl Cartel Syndicate) is a sham of a mockery of an unintentionally hilarious joke and as such cannot possibly rise to mythical status.

Furthermore, in order for a theory or system to achieve mythical proportion, somebody somewhere must have believed in it at sometime. By somebody, we’re not talking about the cynical collection of capitalists, charlatans and thieves behind the BCS. These are the people you can thank on Jan. 7 when they bring you the Allstate BCS National Championship Game, which will crown some dubious team the champion of the entire realm known ludicrously enough as the Football Bowl Subdivision.

Wojciechowski says that Missouri is a nice, little team, but the Tigers are not the No. 1 team in the land.

Out there in the post-armageddon wasteland, Jason Whitlock demurs.

Naturally, anyone who disagrees with Jaylock (editor’s note: this shows true restraint. Because if Jason Whitlock were to disparage someone named “Jason Whitlock” with a moronic celebrity nickname, he would dub the poor SOB JayWhitless. This is inarguable. Go ahead, try.) is clueless.

Missouri a national champion? Could be. West Virginia? Maybe. Ohio State? Unlikely, but why not? Hawaii? We’ll never know, because the BCS in its infinite and compassionate wisdom naturally eliminates the nation’s only undefeated team from the conversation.

Gene and the rest of the rational wing the college football cognoscenti still believe that a playoff is the only reasonable and fair means to the national championship end.

But you know what? Fuck the playoff. I’m too tired of the boilerplate excuses the cartel trots out like so many over-bread springer spaniels sachaying down the runway at the Westminster Kennel Club. A playoff? Too much logic doomed it from the start. Might as well hope Israel sees fit to give the Palestinians a livable state of their own.

But there is one time-tested system that would be an improvement on the BCS charade.

You know what that is? That’s right, the polls!

Bring back the AP and USA Today coaches poll.

Give me UPI. The Helms Athletic Foundation. The Dickinson System.

Give me anything, but spare me the BCS.

Sure, I once thought the poll system illogical, unfair and hopelessly archaic. I was young, arrogant and hopelessly stupid. That was pre-BCS.

While it might seem reactionary, the poll system is superior to the BCS in every imaginable way. Sure, it seemed a bit arbitrary and mean-spirited in years like 1994, when both Nebraska and Penn State finished undefeated and yet the polls only gave a national title to one of them.

But all rational, unbiased people outside of Nebraska understood that neither team could indisputably claim to be a true national champion. And the subtle beauty of the poll system was its endearingly nonsensical format which allows fans and alumni of schools to continue the debate across the decades.

True, some go off the deep end and actually submit formal claims to ancient national championships.

But with the poll system, the season would be over by Jan. 2, leaving one group of players, coaches, fans and alumni to celebrate a spurious national championship, and others to shake their fists at the gods and cry foul.

Best of all, a return to the poll system would spare us the disgusting spectacle of the TitleSponsor BCS National Championship Game. It would spare us the charade of a legion of second- and third-rate columnists descending upon the host city and, by virtue of their wise pontifications, lend a veneer of legitimacy to a hopelessly fraudulent enterprise.

The pick here for this year’s national champion?

The University of Nobody.

Because this is as fitting a year as any to admit the one obvious truth produced by the BCS: Nobody’s No 1!

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One response to “DEAR MR. BULFINCH: IS THE BCS A MYTH?

  1. That is the cutest baby in the world!(black hat baby)

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