Anything can happen, says Ashley Fox.
At least she didn’t repeat the “Any Given Sunday” cliché outright.
Some bastard copy editor in Philadelphia probably killed the reference.
By anything, you see, Ashley’s talking about A.J. Feeley’s Iggles.
If the stars align in a once-in-a-century formation, she says, if Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn engage in an interplanetary orgy in the sky over Gillette Stadium just before kickoff, the low-flying Eagles can beat the Tommy the Terminator’s Patriots.
Suspend your disbelief.
Stranger things have happened, offereth the Oracle of Ashley.
Given that we’re seven years into the Dubya imperium, I’ll allow that as an abstract truth.
So stranger things have happened.
Yet few have been documented with empirical evidence.
Yet. … And yet, what doth A.J. say?
“It would be awesome. It would keep this thing going. To put three wins together and to do it in New England … it would be a great win. That’s what you expect to do, though. You expect to go there and win.”
Exp-p-p-pect to win? A.J., are you the hollow man?
When A.J. says “It would be awesome” to beat the New England Blitzkrieg, he sounds something like a high school volleyball player whose plucky team from East Loserville is about to get mutilated by the 10-time defending champions from Leviathan Prep in the first round of the 7-A state tournament.
World peace would be awesome, too.
There was a classic “Simpsons” episode from 1992, ‘Lisa the Greek.” As his team prepares to play the N.Y. football Giants, and Homer is desperate for gambling insight, the animated Eagle says to the sideline reporter: “This team is fired up. We came here to play.”
As Lisa said about the cartoon Eagle, much the same goes for his three-dimensional avatar.
Imagine the fear in his eyes. Listen for the quiver in his voice.
Eagles beat the Patriots tonight in New England?
There’s as good a chance Barry Bonds will win the Nobel Peace Prize.
Look at Ashley.
All dimples and cheeks. Ain’t she cute? Nurturing. Maternal, almost.
Wouldn’t it be awesome if Ashley evolves into a nice little columnist one day?
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